This is not going to be some creep attempt to profess my love for Lena Dunham... No, but instead of tweeting "Well, some nights I wish that this all would end, 'cause I could use from friends for a change" and instead of blowing up Facebook about "recently taking applications for friends, Apply Here." I'm going to just vent it out.
You know that movie I Love You, Man with Paul Rudd and Jason Segel? Here's how it goes. Paul Rudd is engaged to this chick and all of her friends think he's a total lame ass for not having any friends. So what does he do? He tries to find some.
Dates a gay guy, pukes on his fiancés best friend's husband (stick with me) and goes to a soccer game with some small guy from the gym his brother (Andy Samberg) sets him up with.
Enter Jason Segel.
They become best buds. I mean come on, it's Jason Segel.
My point is he went on a frantic search for a friend. It's like when you are at a grocery store and you want the apples that aren't all bruised and gross. Or you are looking for that perfect brownie and you are willing to cut someone's arm off if they try to take it before you .
I have decided that is what I need. I need a fresh mix of friends, maybe just 5, that through thick and thin, will be there for you.
I know I said no application but I can have some spoken requirements. It's just like relationship standards so lay off.
Anyway,
1) If you have baggage, don't bring it to me. ESPECIALLY if later on you're going to tell me you don't need my help or opinion.
2) Must be outspoken, fearless, but classy and unique all at the same time.
3) High school girl fights always had friends choosing sides. Well stop that. Right now. I am 20 years old and don't need to be shunned from the group because one girl couldn't handle who I am.
4) Some inclination of a penis. It could be metaphorical. Or you could be a dude. But if something is raunchy and funny, don't get offended if I laugh. Some times 'broing it up' is a good thing. (Have you ever seen Amy Schumer's stand-up?)
5) If you have a problem with me, confront me face to face. As Aretha Franklin has spelled it out many of times... RESPECT.
6) Understand some turnabout (Turnabout: taking turns in a conversation). Self explanatory.
7) Most importantly. Love who you are. You're the best friend you'll ever have.
I promised this wasn't a love letter to Lena and it's not. But she knows the value of friendship and everything else I just ranted about. Hell, I want to be in the 'click' in Girls (HBO, get on it.) Two girls have a huge falling out but no one is shunned. One girl runs away and even though the other is pissed, she STILL loves her.
Now quit the shit, and lets all be friends.
Confessions of an ambitious friend seeker
