Walking to class today (keyword walking) with my boyfriend, the sun shining with a slight breeze, I felt nothing but bliss. Any student understands that going to classes suck regardless of if you are interested in the content. Just knowing that you have that obligation and are subsequently getting graded on it gives you an uneasy feeling.
As I reached my English 202 class, the most dreaded and inevitable class of any Penn State student, I found myself questioning why I hated it so much. My class only had about 15 people in it today. We moved the desks into a circle and my professor talked with us about grant proposals.
Then it hit me.
I am privileged to be able to attend an esteemed university like Penn State. Yes, waking up in the morning sucks. And yes, this week and next week are my hell weeks. But this was my decision. No one forced me to attend college This is what I believe will strengthen my future and whatever that entails. I'm not working full time, paying bills, or even cooking every night. I live on campus and everything I could need is within a mile or two of my apartment. I am meeting wonderful, brilliant people who are only bettering my life. I am encountering experiences that I, myself, would not have been able to find at home. I believe my life is truly great.
Rewind to before class as I entered the building. 3 weeks to a month ago getting into Sackett was HELL for me. I have yet to find a handicap-door open button and if there is one at the front entrance there are at least 5 stairs you have to get up first. I had to, with leg up and crutches strong, hold the door open myself, squeeze through and hop up 3 steps to another door. But today!! Today, I walked up to the door, opened it, entered with ease, and got to class no problem. This very miniscule Monday Wednesday Friday routine over the past month has emphasized my resilience. I bounced back from a struggle and now feel more confident in my stride than I did before when I had two healthy working legs. And may I just say, I am feeling pretty kick ass.
Here's the song I listen to when I get stressed or overwhelmed, just thought I'd share.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qybUFnY7Y8w
Just remember. "Let it go, this too shall pass"
Today is just a great day. Happy Friday All!
Confessions of an overly stressed, physically fatigued, and extremely happy college student
Friday, March 21, 2014
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
A Common Struggle
Just about a month ago I broke my ankle. More specifically I fractured my fibula causing my tibia to shift. This resulted in a blindsiding surgery that has forever left me with 9 screws, a metal plate, and a 5 inch scar to remind me.
I pride myself on being a very independent woman. Not so much in the sense that I am a financially stable and on my own as an adult because I have NO idea where I would be without my parents by my side through this whole thing. But, nonetheless, up at school I am my own woman. If there was ever an "everything happens for a reason" or "every experience is a learning experience" moment in my life, this obstacle is one of them.
Everything that I took for granted on a daily basis- showering, getting food at the dining commons by myself, walking to class, being in class, and even just laying in bed- became a daily struggle. Without the help of my boyfriend and best friend I would have not eaten or washed myself for 2 weeks. And without the help of people who truly care about the students at PSU, I would not have been able to attend classes because my apartment is literally almost a full mile from all my classes (.6 to be exact)
And I know what you're all thinking right now:
1) You didn't die, you broke your ankle
2) This happens all the time- come on, I broke my arm twice
3) People are waiting on you, ohh the agony!
But hear me out:
1) Not many people know what it is like to only be able to utilize one leg for an unspecified amount of time. And the people who do know, I'm convinced have a secret alliance.
2) It is a great feeling to be waited on but it's not the case when you're more or less disabled.
Let me elaborate.
There are some people who walk around campus and look at me with sympathy. I don't want your sympathy, I don't want your pity. It's just a broken leg. What I DO want is your empathy. And trust me, there is a huge difference. I don't want you to feel bad for me, I want you to understand I'm going to struggle. I don't want your help, I want your patience. And if you are going to help me, don't stand there holding the door and rolling your eyes because it's taking me longer to crutch up the stairs. Cue the secret alliance. The people that have helped me and exhibited great empathy have all been people who have been in my situation or another struggle before. The guy who took time out of his walk to class to stop, turn around and walk me over a huge slab of ice understood I would have broken my other ankle if I did it alone and didn't ask for anything in return. The multiple people who hold the door open for me and tell me with warm eyes that it WILL get better despite how I'm feeling understand. I don't want " oh wow, I'm so sorry you broke your ankle BUT you didn't die" I know it isn't a huge injury. I know it's one of the most common injuries in the winter. But I want to hear " dude, that really sucks and yes you're very lucky to have it just be an ankle but you have every right to be upset. You have every right to cry because regardless it's a struggle in your life"
Secondly, Depending on people to eat because you can't crutch in the snow and ice up a hill to the dining commons makes you feel useless. Having your boyfriend have to help you into the shower so you don't smash your face when your crutch hits the wet floor makes you feel hopeless. And consistently asking your friends to help you clear a path in your filth ridden room (because you can't clean it) makes you feel like a complete and utter burden. If you're an overanaylzer like me you begin to see a hint of resentment in the eyes of the people you are closest to as question after question begins to feel like demands.
Moral of the story, here's the food for thought that I've been munching on for a month: If this is how I feel, an otherwise very healthy and able-bodied person who will be fixed in a couple months, how do people with lifelong and chronic disabilities feel on a daily basis? Do you think they enjoy having their independence undermined in a culture that thrives on independence? Or do you think they just want to be treated like the perfect person they are.
Next time you encounter one of these situations please think of this video. My professor showed us in my infancy class but it is 100% applicable to all ages.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw
Confessions of a temporarily disabled college student who is craving empathy
*With many, many thanks to my boyfriend Evan, my roommate Jess, all of my family, and the understanding professors- you've been the best support system I could ask for*
I pride myself on being a very independent woman. Not so much in the sense that I am a financially stable and on my own as an adult because I have NO idea where I would be without my parents by my side through this whole thing. But, nonetheless, up at school I am my own woman. If there was ever an "everything happens for a reason" or "every experience is a learning experience" moment in my life, this obstacle is one of them.
Everything that I took for granted on a daily basis- showering, getting food at the dining commons by myself, walking to class, being in class, and even just laying in bed- became a daily struggle. Without the help of my boyfriend and best friend I would have not eaten or washed myself for 2 weeks. And without the help of people who truly care about the students at PSU, I would not have been able to attend classes because my apartment is literally almost a full mile from all my classes (.6 to be exact)
And I know what you're all thinking right now:
1) You didn't die, you broke your ankle
2) This happens all the time- come on, I broke my arm twice
3) People are waiting on you, ohh the agony!
But hear me out:
1) Not many people know what it is like to only be able to utilize one leg for an unspecified amount of time. And the people who do know, I'm convinced have a secret alliance.
2) It is a great feeling to be waited on but it's not the case when you're more or less disabled.
Let me elaborate.
There are some people who walk around campus and look at me with sympathy. I don't want your sympathy, I don't want your pity. It's just a broken leg. What I DO want is your empathy. And trust me, there is a huge difference. I don't want you to feel bad for me, I want you to understand I'm going to struggle. I don't want your help, I want your patience. And if you are going to help me, don't stand there holding the door and rolling your eyes because it's taking me longer to crutch up the stairs. Cue the secret alliance. The people that have helped me and exhibited great empathy have all been people who have been in my situation or another struggle before. The guy who took time out of his walk to class to stop, turn around and walk me over a huge slab of ice understood I would have broken my other ankle if I did it alone and didn't ask for anything in return. The multiple people who hold the door open for me and tell me with warm eyes that it WILL get better despite how I'm feeling understand. I don't want " oh wow, I'm so sorry you broke your ankle BUT you didn't die" I know it isn't a huge injury. I know it's one of the most common injuries in the winter. But I want to hear " dude, that really sucks and yes you're very lucky to have it just be an ankle but you have every right to be upset. You have every right to cry because regardless it's a struggle in your life"
Secondly, Depending on people to eat because you can't crutch in the snow and ice up a hill to the dining commons makes you feel useless. Having your boyfriend have to help you into the shower so you don't smash your face when your crutch hits the wet floor makes you feel hopeless. And consistently asking your friends to help you clear a path in your filth ridden room (because you can't clean it) makes you feel like a complete and utter burden. If you're an overanaylzer like me you begin to see a hint of resentment in the eyes of the people you are closest to as question after question begins to feel like demands.
Moral of the story, here's the food for thought that I've been munching on for a month: If this is how I feel, an otherwise very healthy and able-bodied person who will be fixed in a couple months, how do people with lifelong and chronic disabilities feel on a daily basis? Do you think they enjoy having their independence undermined in a culture that thrives on independence? Or do you think they just want to be treated like the perfect person they are.
Next time you encounter one of these situations please think of this video. My professor showed us in my infancy class but it is 100% applicable to all ages.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw
Confessions of a temporarily disabled college student who is craving empathy
*With many, many thanks to my boyfriend Evan, my roommate Jess, all of my family, and the understanding professors- you've been the best support system I could ask for*
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